The 10-year Wedding Anniversary

My 10 year wedding anniversary is coming up. We’ll probably celebrate it with a long weekend away, possibly in the Hudson Valley in New York. I was hoping for diamonds, or somewhere tropical, but we’re trying to be conservative with our money. Anniversaries to me are meant to be shared between the couple. It’s our event and I don’t expect cards, gifts or really any acknowledgement from anyone other than my husband. And, when it’s our 25th anniversary, I won’t expect anything from our kids.

My mother-in-law expects that her anniversary be marked by her son. Of course. When it was her and my father-in-law’s 15th anniversary (nearly 10 years ago), my husband 1) forgot it, 2) didn’t realize what anniversary it was, and 3) was too pre-occupied with his brand-new bride. But she made him pay. How dare he forget their 15th wedding anniversary. It so happened to be around the time we were putting together our wedding album. She wanted a parents album, offered to pay for it too. But when my husband made that colossal mistake, she decided the album would make a nice anniversary gift…a $400 gift. My FIL knew nothing about this and I had to bite my lip to keep from saying, “Happy Anniversary!” when she opened it. I didn’t know better. I was young  then. My husband will never forget another one of their anniversaries again though.

So, I’m sure for some selfish reason, she feels the need to take us out to dinner to celebrate our milestone anniversary. Yes, I seem ungrateful. My husband says, “What’s the big deal? It’s our favorite restaurant. And she’s paying.”  I’m sure it will be fine. It’s just that she usually has an ulterior motive. She has a way of twisting situations to seem like she’s being the good person. Plus, any time I spend with her is too much time.

How about a Thank You?

My sister is utterly ungrateful. I have given her two years worth of clothing for her daughter, countless toys and lots of time photographing her children. And I have barely gotten a simple thank you. She’s borrowed my cradle, twice. I’ve just discovered her husband completely unassembled it because he thought it would be easier to transport. She asked for my nearly new sit and stand stroller, and when I brought it to her said she might not need it because someone else gave her a double stroller. But she’ll try it for a month and let me know. Entitlement is an ugly thing.

I took time out of my hectic weekend to visit her and her new baby to take photos of him. She never said thank you. I spent a decent amount of time touching up his skin from the infant acne, uploaded the best shots and never heard a word. I finally emailed her to find out if she saw them. “Yes, I did,” she wrote. “They’re good. Can I see the rest? ” Is all I got back. I wrote, “I spent a lot of time clearing up his skin. What do you think?” Her: “Looks a lot better in color, but the b&w are smudgy.” Still, no thank you. I told her I’d upload the rest when I had time. No reply. Bitch.

Well, I’m done with that. No more time. No more clothes. No more freebies for her. A simple thank you is all it takes. Be grateful when someone does something for you. It makes a world of difference

My husband is narrow-minded and boring

One thing I have realized after 10 years of marriage is that it’s not about getting to know the other person better, it’s about getting to know yourself better. I’m 37 years old. In my mind, I’m not that old. I work with a lot of people recently out of college and I don’t feel that much older than they are. Yet, I’m just really getting to know myself. The problem with that…it’s too late for what I want. If I could change things knowing what I do now know about myself, I would not have married my husband and I would not have children. I definitely would not be living on the east coast. At least not for a very long time.

Now I have real responsibilities – a home, a family, children. And I feel stuck. My girls are entertaining, sweet and funny. But I have no patience for them. I want my time. Selfish? Absolutely. But, had I known this before I had kids , I wouldn’t have had them. How can you know until you’re in the situation?

I want to do so much more with my life. There really isn’t much I wouldn’t try to experience. My husband, on the otherhand, is not that open minded. And rather than just accepting that, it irritates the shit out me. I don’t respect somone not willing to try new things. I think that’s boring. So what am I supposed to do with a husband I find boring?

Ultimately, there’s no time for much more than working and the day to day stuff. I guess I just wish I had time to figure it all out before I committed to something. It takes a long time to figure out who you are. I’m still not sure.

Connecting with old “friends”

I joined Facebook a long time ago, but didn’t do anything with it. I am one of those people who doesn’t feel the need to get back in touch with everyone I ever went to school with. I moved to PA from MD after my freshman year in high school, and after my parents divorced. It was ridiculously traumatic time for me. Fortunately, I made lifelong friends that freshman year. The new school? I made friends, but they weren’t “real” friends. I always felt like the outsider. Like I was inserting myself into their group, and if I disappeared in the middle of a conversation they wouldn’t have noticed. I lost touch with all of them when I left for college. No surprise, and no loss.

I’ve been active on FB for a while now and have reconnected with people I haven’t seen in over 20 years, and I love it. Old friends from the neighborhood I grew up in, from elementary school, college, freshman year. But only two people from that high school in PA. I’m curious how people look, if they have kids, but I don’t really want to “friend” them. As I’m scrolling through looking at all the people I knew and noticing how they’re all connected to each other, I couldn’t help but wonder why no one has friended me. I’m a loser for even typing that. Hello, insecurity. Of course, I did connect with two people that I ended up “de-friending” because I just didn’t want to be out there. And one person sent me a friend request, but I can’t figure out how I know her. But, still, after all these years why do I even care? Of course, the stubborn side of me refuses to “friend” them. How high school of me!

Progress and a new blog

As anyone should when they are unhappy with themself, I took matters into my own hands. For real this time. The Thinning Chronicles is my new blog chronicling my way back to a healthier, more svelte me. It’s only been 4 days, but already I feel better about myself. I’m eating better, going to sleep earlier so I won’t miss a workout in the morning and I’ve signed up to run a 5K in August. And I’ve cut out wine during the week. This weekend will be a true test with the holiday, but I’m proud of myself and know if I cave in now, I will be really disappointed. This is about my happiness right now. Besides, I have a ton of clothes that I would love to wear again this summer. Since Monday, when all of this officially began, I’ve already lost nearly 2 pounds! 

So check in my new blog every once and a while and see how I’m doing. Things are positive over there.

The cherub-look should be back in style.

I sit for a ridiculous amount of time. I work at the computer. I ride the train. I eat. I watch TV. I’m sitting all this time. And all this sitting has caused me to gain weight. I’ve never been huge into exercise except for when I was at home with my oldest daughter. She took two two-hour naps and during one of those naps I worked out, six days a week. I was in great shape. Now I have two kids and work full time. I try to get up at 5:15 to workout. It happens most days, but it really only includes a run, a ride on the bike or some lifting. Not enough to put a dent into my weight. I want to lose 15 pounds. 20, and I’d be really happy. I’m becoming more and more depressed about the way I look. I’m a size 8, which isn’t horrible. But my boobs are enormous and the cellulite has creeped to the front of my legs. Beautiful picture, isn’t it? My husband doesn’t like the way I look. I don’t like the way I look. I’ve got to be in a bathing suit in 3 weeks in front of my family. My family who’s all seen me look great. I don’t even recognize myself in the mirror. So, tomorrow, I’m going to get up and run two miles. Hopefully, I’ll have the energy to do an ab workout. Then, I’ll eat air for the rest of the day. I see a weight watchers meeting with my name on it.

Shopping with Grandma

Is it me? Maybe I’m just too angry. I have hated my mother-in-law for so long, I don’t think know how to not hate her. But then again, she makes hating her so easy.

She’s picking up E after camp, then taking her shopping for clothes. I’m sure that’s all very exciting for a 7-year-old girl. Really. Especially one who doesn’t care about clothes. Then, she wants to take her to dinner. All this would be fine if E was her only grandchild. But she’s not. Hello, MIL, you have another granddaughter! One who actually loves clothes too. I’m a little pissed at my husband for not pointing out the obvious. I do not tolerate favoring one child over the other, which MIL has been guilty of more than once. But, she said if we needed her to pick up K from camp she would skip the dinner out and get her. Works for me!

And when K wants to know where her new clothes are, I’ll be sure to direct all those questions directly to you, o wonderful MIL. You bitch.

I am so hateful.

Stalker potential?

I worked with this guy, “T”, about a year ago. Short, very Irish-looking and married with twins. He had a little bit of a crush on me, but it was harmless. About a year ago I left that company and went to an ad agency. Every once in a while he would email me to see how I was doing. Harmless. Eventually, he also left that company and ended up at one of my new agency’s clients. 

He had recently emailed me right before I had a client meeting scheduled. So I told him I’d be there and maybe I’d see him to say hi. Well, the flood gates then opened.

Just as I walked into the meeting he texted me asking me where I was? (He apparently saved my phone number from the “stay in touch” goodbye message I sent to all my coworkers when I left the last company.) I said I was in the room. He texted me to let him know when I was done and he’d come by. I didn’t see the message until I was walking out. So I texted him back and said as much. Sorry. Maybe next time, I wrote. Then he wrote back, Promise? I thought that was weird. Sure, I wrote. Then he started planning the next time. I let him know that it wasn’t up to me to schedule the meetings. I come down with the team.  Then he suggested he come up. He works in Wilmington. I work in Philadelphia. Why would he go out of his way? I said if he happened to be in the city then we could grab a drink. But he started picking dates. I thought, Ok, I’ll play this out then cancel, because this is ridiculous. I mentioned that I was done early on Fridays so maybe we could meet up then. Thinking no way would he want to come to Philly on a Friday than have to deal with traffic on the way home. Sure, he wrote.

Here’s how the texts went:
T: Lmk abt nxt fri so i can clr my sched. By 2 i prob will have eaten bt we can grb a bite or drinks

Me: Problem is I can’t guarantee – may have stuff going on that day that would make me late.

T: I can keep the pm free if u think it might work or wld there b a better time?

Me: No better time

T: Ok – so do we try for fri?

Me: Sure – let’s play it by ear if possible

T: Ok whats the agenda so i make time

Me: How about 2:30 and if anything changes I’ll let you know by 1

T: Ok – leave 2:30 open?

Me: Yep

T: Let me know whr to meet up with you. Drinks?

I ignored that one. Then, a couple days later…

T: How late can u be out? So i can arrange time.

Me: Probably 4 (in the afternoon)

T: You animal!

Me: Sorry – might not be worth it for you.

T: Would like t c u. What do u want to do?

Me: Doesn’t matter to me. You’re the one coming all this way. Have any reason to be here for work? (I’m trying to reschedule, or put off indefinitely.)

T: I can always make a reason. can i call u now?

Me: In mtg ( I wasn’t but why does he need to call me. I don’t want to talk to him. I’m fully freaked out by now.)

T: Ok lets stick w friday. Im sure it will b worth it.

 

Okay. There you have it. I shared this with my friend and my husband and they were both thinking the same thing I was – weirdo! Of course, I shouldn’t have let it continue, but I didn’t think he would be so persistant. A “hey, let’s grab a drink next time I”m in the city” is totally reasonable. Him rearranging his schedule and going out of his way is totally … what? Desperate? I’m cancelling this thing with no potential for a future meeting unless I accidently run in to him at the client, which is unlikely.

And here’s another thing: My husband asked me what I thought his wife would think if she saw those texts. And, I think she’d be very suspicious. Something’s up there and I’m not getting involved. You never know who could snap and when.

The youngest-looking grandmother…puhlease!

My MIL took my girls to see the local horse show and fair on Saturday. The first thing she told me when she returned the girls safely, but late of course, at home was that she got the greatest compliment. (Notice it has to do with her- not that the girls had a great time.) She ran into one of K’s friend’s and her mother. And the mother told MIL that she was the youngest-looking grandmother she’d ever seen. Without even thinking, I said, “That’s funny.” I mean it came out and I didn’t even know it. She swatted at me and said, “That’s not funny.” Seriously, I didn’t even realize I said it. Then I couldn’t stop. I said, “Oh yeah, she’s really nice. She said the same thing to my mom at K’s birthday party.” Ha. That felt good. Evilness.

My MIL birthed my children

Apparently, my mother-in-law birthed my children. According to her, all their good characteristics come from her, or her side of the family. E loves reading. “Well, I was an avid reader as a child. She must get that from me!” E loves chocolate. “So do I! She must get that from me.” E has a really bad sweet tooth. “I love candy. She must get that from me.” She doesn’t say much about K, of course. She’s told my husband in the past that she feels a special connection with E because E reminds my MIL so much of herself. I tell you the woman is narcissistic. J, my husband, is aware of this behavior. Because, of course, I am relentless when it comes to pointing it out. So when she blurts  obnoxious statements out like, “K has narrow feet like me. Maybe she’ll be a dancer like me.” He points out that I have narrow feet too. It runs in my family. Really it doesn’t but you get my point.

E’s birthday was yesterday. She turned seven. So my in-laws came over for dinner and cake. The comparisons, or whatever you want to call them, were endless. I try to keep the peace and not say a word, but it’s really reaching ridiculous levels. What’s worse, this has been going on for YEARS! I don’t understand why she needs to keep doing this? Why do her characteristics need to come from anyone? Why can’t they just be who E is?

Have a mentioned lately how much I cannot stand this woman?