My balancing act is off kilter

Once again life is getting in the way of work. And I feel guilty about it. Never before have I been the employee with side-line conflicts. You know the person. The one who is out a little too often because of her kids, maybe they’re sick, maybe school is randomly closed or maybe they’re attending one of the countless school events scheduled in the middle of the day. Or the person who doesn’t stay late with the rest of the group because they’ve got other plans. (The nerve!) That person is suddenly me.

Maybe it’s that I’m back in advertising for the first time since having kids and I’m simply not adjusting well to the lifestyle. Maybe it’s the fact that I work mostly with twenty-somethings who aren’t married and whose only commitment is getting to the next happy hour. Remember those days? Why rush home when you’re going to either your parents house, or a too-small apartment with roommates you kind of tolerate?

Working in advertising is simply not conducive for a woman with children. Sure I can work from home when it’s absolutely imperative, but I’m still not really in the thick of it. And people notice.

Then I think “This is backwards. I should feel guilty if I were to miss E’s school halloween parade and disappointing her. I should feel bad that I can’t (won’t) volunteer to help at lunch and recess even though she keeps asking me. I shouldn’t be sending my sick kid to school because I absolutely must be in the office.” I suppose work is a priority because it’s a paycheck. And right now, we need that paycheck. Especially in this economy.

I’m still struggling

I am living a conflict. I love to work. I love to be busy. I’m finally working for a cool company and doing interesting work. There are nights when I’m here until 6:30 or later. I’m actually okay with this, but I feel guilty that I’m schircking my mom duties. My husband says he’s fine taking on the extra responsibility, except that when I get home he’s inpatient and snapping at all of us. I hate to admit that I do miss a little bit my easy, care-free, stress-free job. I don’t miss the mindnumbing boringness of it though. I’m torn.

Monday, my girls started soccer camp. It was their first time playing soccer. I “worked from home” in the morning so I could be there. I was the ridiculous-looking mom in the bleachers with her laptop trying to take photos. It was embarassing. I kept looking at all the stay-at-home moms wondering what they must think of me. Like, I can’t tear myself away from work for 90 minutes to focus on my children? I’m starting to feel with all these extra working hours that I’m missing out on life, in a sense. I’ve only been here six weeks, but I’m just not adjusting as quickly as I thought I would.

Work is in the way

Today is my 12th day at my new job and it’s getting in the way of my life. I have no time for anything other than work. I don’t mind so much except I feel bad that my husband is taking the brunt of it. He’s still dealing with the kids in the morning, but now he’s getting home early enough to let the nanny leave then getting the kids’ dinner ready. He’s handling it like a trooper, totally supportive. I know if things were switched, he probably wouldn’t feel bad. You know, it’s the way things should be I suppose. Where I’m really torn is when the happy hours pop up and I don’t go. I want to go. I really want to go. Bonding with my colleagues and all. But I don’t want to come home later than I already am, which really isn’t that late – 6ish, after 7 one night this week.

Anyway, I’m excited that this Saturday we’re going rock-climbing. We’re taking a class at a local rock climbing gym. It was my mother’s day gift in an effort to do more exciting things with my life. If I don’t break my neck I’ll be back to report on it. If my fingers are still working.

No time left in this small, small world.

I’ve been having a hard time keeping up with posting, between this blog and my other, now that I have a new job that actually makes me work. Damn it! Not that I’m complaining, entirely. The strange thing about having real work to do is that the day actually drags on. I don’t know how that has happened. At my other job, where I had absolutely nothing of interest to work on, except blogging and surfing the internet, the day flew by.

Anyway, since I’ve come to this new place, I am having the strangest small work experiences ever in my life. There are the mundane: Two people I worked with at other ad agencies are here. No big deal. That happens in Philly. And it’s good because I’m friends with them. On my first day, I rode up the elevator with someone I know I worked with, but can’t place him.  And, I keep seeing people who look oddly familiar. Although, I did figure out that one of them was someone I went to high school with almost 30 years ago! (Holy shit, I’m old!)  On my second day here, a guy that I worked with at my last job, showed up for an interview. What the hell? And yesterday, on my way to the train, I ran into an old neighbor who I haven’t seen since I moved a year ago. I made the train with a second to spare. All this small world shit is freaking me out! And then there’s the mind-blowing: As my writing partner are talking about his home renovations, I realize he’s renovating a house on my old block in the city–literally, across the street from my old house–and it just so happens to be the old woman who I had a special connection with and who recently passed away. I nearly cried when I figured it out. What are the odds of that!? Something weird is going on here.

So, did you catch that? That link I left for you? I tried to hide it, but I’m not that html-savvy. The way all this small world stuff is going, I’m sure we know each other from some past life. Let me know if you figure it out.

A final word from the last co-worker.

Well, that didn’t take long. No sooner do I post that my co-worker hasn’t mentioned my new job, then she shows up in my cube. Of course, she was all smiles because SHE WANTS ME TO WORK ON HER PROJECT! Then, she slipped in the “good luck”, “thanks for all your work”. Whatever. I was nice. I played the game. I just can’t stand transparent people. Was there a possibility that she was sincere? Hmmmm. I don’t think so. She’s holding a grudge. I heard she’s done it before. Okay, let’s move on.

The final days at the old job.

Since I’ve given my notice, coming in to work now is downright brutal. The commute sucks more. The assignments are more tedious, more annoying, and ironically, piling up. It figures when I’m about to leave the interesting projects come in. Now, I don’t even care.

Nearly everyone I work with has had really nice things to say, “You’ll be missed.” “What are we going to do without you?” What can we offer you to make you stay?” (That was my favorite.) “I’m so jealous you’re getting out of here!” Everyone, except one person. If you’ve read this blog, you might be able to guess. If not, catch up here.

And, all those projects piling up? Those are coming from her. She’s trying to get them in before I leave because she knows I’m a good writer. Bitch.

So, after all that, it’ll be interesting to see if she says anything to me before I leave. I haven’t decided if I’m going to say anything to her. The better person in me will say good-bye. You know, why burn bridges? But, the evil person in me has reached the point where I simply don’t give a shit what she thinks. She’ll be here forever anyway. We’ll see which person shows up for work on that last day. Keep a look out for that post. JUNE 25!

Something’s about to change.

I have a job interview. I don’t know how it happened, but it doesn’t matter. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I may get out of this dead end company after all. The interview is with a big healthcare ad agency in the city. I have written one healthcare brochure in my time. But, I managed to talk my way in the door. Now I just have to get through to the creative people. I’m definitely at a disadvantage with my lack of experience, so my expectations are low. Still, I’m in!

First, I needed the right suit. I ran to the store last night desperately hoping to find something NOT ultra-conservative. I’m a creative person for god’s sake. And let me tell you, I scored big! I’m going to talk fashion now, so if you’re not interested, skip ahead. I found a Jones New York black blazer normally priced at $200 on sale for $25! I had to ask the little Indian woman who was helping me to repeat herself three times. She must have said $125, right? Nope. I couldn’t believe my luck. Then I thought, it must be a leftover from the winter. Nope. All season. Then, she helped me find the right pants. Of course, all the black pants were the wrong color. Finally, she found them. In my size! And it all fit perfectly. She asked me if this was the first suit I found. Yep. Then, she said, as if she already knew, “You’re going to get this job.” I felt like she had some infinite Indian spiritual wisdom and maybe she’s right! Plus, I had a coupon for $25 off. So the jacket was free! My new lucky jacket.

I’m ecstatic ECSTATIC at just the prospect of getting out of here. At the thought of being back at an ad agency with talented people in a fun, creative environment. And away from one of the most fucked up business environments I’ve ever been in. I know, I may not get this job. But the potential is motivating. If you’ve ever been stuck in a dead end job, you know what I’m talking about.

No r-e-s-p-e-c-t!

You know when you don’t like someone and just their presence alone is annoying and uncomfortable. I work with someone like that. She doesn’t even have to speak to get on my nerves. And, when she does speak, I can’t help but roll my eyes. It’s horrible. I hate feeling that way.

Plus, I’ve started to notice all her bad skills, how much she sucks at what she does, including the fact that she’s a slow thinker. I have no patience for slow thinkers. It’s a shame what happens when you lose respect for a person. Your whole perspective of them changes.

Job insecurity.

It’s very uncomfortable when you’re not sure if you’re going to be laid off. I hate that instability. Of course, I’m looking for a new job. I’m always looking. But I want to go on my own terms. We recently had a lay off, and it seems the company is still not doing very well. My job is disposable. It will always be, no matter where I am. I’m a writer. What I do can be outsourced. This is why I’m nervous. To make matters worse, my husband’s company just laid off 20% of their workforce, including several people that sell the same product he sells. Now he’s nervous. No household should have both people worried about the security of their job. Especially when a big mortgage needs to be paid. This economy is getting pretty scary.

The coworker.

I like to be liked. I need to be liked. My coworker, “J”, doesn’t like me. She used to, until I wrote her bio. It was supposed to be a casual bio, not a regurgitation of her resume (which, she never provided to me, which is kind of important when writing someone’s bio!). Well, let’s just say she wasn’t too happy with her bio. Before you read it, you must know that I liked her, respected her and did not have one negative thought as I wrote this. Here it is…

How “J” ended up in the ____ department of ______ and elbow deep in Excel spreadsheets is a bit of mystery. A self-professed writer and aficionado of the writing process, her career was reaching near-celebrity status as the Editor-in-Chief and Publisher of her own African-American bridal magazine.

 

Everything she had done leading up to that position had molded her for that role—Junior Copywriter at ____, then Copy Chief at _____ managing nine other writers. She even freelanced for a while. Direct mail? Sure. But, spreadsheets? Fat chance. And, yet, here she is grinding out monthly insurance mailings. Fortunately, “J” can be optimistic, “Excel keeps me organized and disciplined. It rounds me out.” 

 

Nowadays, she’s leading the charge on multiple projects for a handful of departments. If you read between the lines, you’ll figure out that “J” is a workaholic. Bring on the challenge! She’ll make it work to her advantage, and everybody wins.

Not bad, right? Well, she was so offended that she went to my boss (with whom I have an excellent working relationship) for her perspective. Turns out “J” has 20 years writing experience, plus a communications degree from a reputable university. Would’ve helped to have had THAT information! Of course, I was shocked and upset that she would think I would write something negative. I immediately went to her and apologized letting her know it wasn’t my intent at all. All she said was, “Thank you.” That’s it. Nothing else. After that, she barely looked at me and didn’t really speak to me unless she had to. But, she’s been professional so I can’t complain, right? Apparently, she’s dealing with major health and psychological issues with her mother so she’s ultra sensitive. She’s also an African-American and think I might possibly be a racist trying to put a black woman down. Let me be clear…a racist I am not. My daughter’s godfather is a black man. And that’s all I’m going to ever say about that subject. Needless to say, I’ve lost ALL respect for her. I mean all. It is sad to think that people go through life thinking that way. It must be such a burden. It’s sad.