One thing I have realized after 10 years of marriage is that it’s not about getting to know the other person better, it’s about getting to know yourself better. I’m 37 years old. In my mind, I’m not that old. I work with a lot of people recently out of college and I don’t feel that much older than they are. Yet, I’m just really getting to know myself. The problem with that…it’s too late for what I want. If I could change things knowing what I do now know about myself, I would not have married my husband and I would not have children. I definitely would not be living on the east coast. At least not for a very long time.
Now I have real responsibilities – a home, a family, children. And I feel stuck. My girls are entertaining, sweet and funny. But I have no patience for them. I want my time. Selfish? Absolutely. But, had I known this before I had kids , I wouldn’t have had them. How can you know until you’re in the situation?
I want to do so much more with my life. There really isn’t much I wouldn’t try to experience. My husband, on the otherhand, is not that open minded. And rather than just accepting that, it irritates the shit out me. I don’t respect somone not willing to try new things. I think that’s boring. So what am I supposed to do with a husband I find boring?
Ultimately, there’s no time for much more than working and the day to day stuff. I guess I just wish I had time to figure it all out before I committed to something. It takes a long time to figure out who you are. I’m still not sure.