I’m still struggling

I am living a conflict. I love to work. I love to be busy. I’m finally working for a cool company and doing interesting work. There are nights when I’m here until 6:30 or later. I’m actually okay with this, but I feel guilty that I’m schircking my mom duties. My husband says he’s fine taking on the extra responsibility, except that when I get home he’s inpatient and snapping at all of us. I hate to admit that I do miss a little bit my easy, care-free, stress-free job. I don’t miss the mindnumbing boringness of it though. I’m torn.

Monday, my girls started soccer camp. It was their first time playing soccer. I “worked from home” in the morning so I could be there. I was the ridiculous-looking mom in the bleachers with her laptop trying to take photos. It was embarassing. I kept looking at all the stay-at-home moms wondering what they must think of me. Like, I can’t tear myself away from work for 90 minutes to focus on my children? I’m starting to feel with all these extra working hours that I’m missing out on life, in a sense. I’ve only been here six weeks, but I’m just not adjusting as quickly as I thought I would.